The reality sets in...

Hospice (n) - 1.) a lodging for travelers (especially one kept by a monastic order). 2.) a program of medical and emotional care for the terminally ill.

The reality of having my father at home sets in.

My mother and I attempt to take in the immensity of this task, as his caregivers.

I see in my mother fear and great anxiety. She is overwhelmed and I am too. The first night with him home found both she and I getting 3 to 4 hours of 'sleep' each.

We both know that there is no way in hell we're going to make this happen, even with relying on my physical and mental strength to assist. It has become very clear to me that I need to embark on a search for as much assistance possible.

The first few days were very challenging. Adjusting the pain medication was difficult. Managing his insulin and blood sugar was an even bigger challenge.

I am going to continue to make very honest and often blunt observations. If this alarms you please don't read what I am writing.

At this point, his body is beginning its gradual shutdown. The eyes are more glassy, becoming more sunken. His body weight continues to decrease, the muscles are beginning to tighten, and disappear. Fine motor skills are deteriorating. His arms twitch, slowly and in a jerking fashion. He will be completely unconscious to the point where we can barely get him to open his eyes and then in short order he's alert, awake, and lucid. The biggest challenge is that the ability to control waste output no longer exists.

More soon.